I Don't Give A Shit About...

((F*** Censorship presents a phenomenal rant from -pen name- Samus Kaiba. It's effin ace yo, so checkit!!!))

I am going to write the best book ever. It will be a novel and it will be called "I Really Don't Give a Shit About This Novel." And it will be about how I really don't give a shit about that novel. I won't precisely say that in the text, but the story will be so elaborate that youwill grasp that I didn't give a shit about the novel purely by reading the content.

"I Really Don't Give A Shit About This Novel" will be exactly one page long, with only one paragraph that will be composed of two sentences that have only six words combined. In fact, the story is so great I will tell you exactly what it will say. All of it. Ready?

Here we go, I'm gonna spoil my novel to you. "I Really Don't Give A Shit About This Novel" reads like this:

"Once upon a time. The End."
A classic. The font will be so big that "Once upon a" will fit on one side and "time. The End." will fit on the other. I will make millions of US dollars off the book, a millionaire for selling a book with one page, one paragraph, two sentences and six words. And you know what?

I'm going to go to court over that book. I'm going to go to court over my book for screwing poor grannies out of their tax dollars who were misdirected by my title.
I will go to court over that book for the title, saying that I can't have a swear word in the title(even though our first amendment is freedom of press).
I will be sued by parents whose children bought my book who now think that I have condemned their precious Johnny-Do-Right children to stupidity with my book.

I'll be proven innocent- that's right. I will be proven innocent due to insanity. I will plead insane and I will get it. I may have to spend a few weeks in a padded room, but I won't lose a dime. I will have written "I Really Don't Give A Shit About This Novel" because I will have been bored. It will take me five years to write my book, so I will also be claimed mentally challenged. And then millions of people will start buying my books again because they feel sorry for me.

Husbands will come home to their wives with five copies. Little olld women will buy a copy for each member fo the family and one for each friend. Preachers and ministers will bring a copy to church. And even in the distant future it will become a work of literacy in a textbook at school. By God, it might become a textbook at school!

And thus, I will become richer than Bill Gates. (Bill Gates will have bought a book too and then I will buy out Microsoft and turn it into "I Really Don't Give a Shit About This Corporation". And the process will start all over again until I rule the world).

Sometime in the distant future on "I Really Don't Give a Shit About This Planet" some random SE Asian hobo named Atapatapita will take over my empire and then "I Really Don't Give a Shit About This Plant" will become Planet Iraq.

-Samus Kaiba
Aka
"She Who Doth Not Give a Shat"

This paper is titled "I Really Don't Give a Shit About This Essay".
But I don't really give a shit about it.

Parental Units 101

Parents.

We all have them. Some of us know them, some of us don't, and sometimes the ones who don't really are the lucky ones.

There are several types of parents, but no matter what type they are, they are almost always convinced that whatever their method of parenting is, it's the right one. And usually it isn't...There's always too much or too little of something.

For instance, there's the over achiever parents. These parents make sure their kids are in every possible extracurricular activity and force their children into sports and youth groups. These are the parents that stick their kids in a desk at the corner to make sure they are studying and finish their homework. These are the parents who have weekly teacher-parent conferences and store every report card and progress report so they can map out whether their child has improved or worsened. These people claim to only want the best for their son or daughter, but in reality they couldn't even tell you what their kids favorite color is. Surprisingly, there's a lot more of these than you think. Usually they can be found screaming at kids from the sidelines of football games, or bawling their eyes out during graduation ceremonies.

Then there's the Worry-Warts. So named because you wish you could just freeze them and be rid of them. These are the people who never wanted to cut the umbilical cord in the first place. They love smothering their kids with hugs and kisses, and even through highschool dropped them off in front of the building. They check their kids forehead every morning, consult their teachers to make sure not too much stress is being placed on their pooky, and refuse to let them play sports or have ANY form of physical activity without them wearing a suit of armour. They can be found helping at the school or workplace where their beloved child is, just so they can be with them as often as possible.

One of the more disturbing breeds of parents are the Holier-Than-Thou parents. These people have Bibles, or sciptures, or SOMETHING grafted into their skull. Or maybe they were locked in the church for over a week...Whatever the reason, this breed of parent is to be feared. They enjoy attempting to brainwash their children, and making sure their children attend all the youth group meetings. These people find every reason possible for "God"(depending on their religion) to be involved in every little thing their child does. These people think everyone except their child and fellow church members are heretics. They eat, breathe, and sleep with prayers ringing in the back of their mind. They can be found at any organized relgious fundraiser, or at a Republican rally.

An equally dangerous species of parents would be the Neglecters. No, they're not abusive. In fact, other kids see them as fun and long for parents such as these. But they don't see the darkness that lurks beneath this apathetic exterior. Mothers of this species probably didn't even know they were pregnant until they were giving birth, and fathers of this species still can't remember their kids name. These parents allow their kids to do anything. Their son/daughter could come home and confess to smoking pot, but this won't phase them in the least. They'll just smile and nod and go back to watching t.v. These parents can usually be found at home, chugging down sodas and beers while their kid is out at 2 a.m. getting frisked and undergoing a breathalizer test.

A lot of people may have a combination of these, but almost all of us at least know someone with parents like the ones listed. I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect parent, because as we all know, nobody is perfect...I just wish parents would stop acting like they were.

So this "God" guy....

I have discovered that people are very touchy when it comes to God...Yeah, I know what you're thinking..."Nice work Sherlock."

Honestly though...Why must people get so defensive? You tell a Catholic that you don't believe in God and you're an abomination. You tell a Pentacostal that pre-marital sex is the way to go, and you get a dirty look. You tell an atheist that they should stop by your Bible study group and they act like you've just slapped them. You tell a Wiccan that the Bible is one of the greatest forms of literature, and they scoff at you. (I understand these are stereotypes, but it's only for the purpose of creating a general idea/point).

People, what is the big deal? Why must everyone jump to their feet at the mere mention of religion? Why do people get so riled up when one little joke is cracked? You can have 10 people in a room and mention abortion, and at least one will go postal about the views of the others.

There is such a thing as listening. There is also such a thing as civility. It does no one any good to just flat out say, "You're wrong. This is how it should be. This is what you need to believe." You're not going to get anyone to listen that way. You'll only piss people off and make them hate you AND your views furthermore.

And this is one both sides. Christians either try to convert you or brush it off, thinking quietly to themselves, "Everyone must deal with their own sin." And athiests will tune out whatever the Christians are saying, muttering to themselves, "Simple minded mainstreamists..." Or something like that. You see, no one ever REALLY listens and no one ever REALLY considers what the 'oppisite' side is trying to say.

Sometimes you can't blame them though...Sometimes they've heard the same story time and time again, and they just get sick of it. Which brings up my next point...If you've repeatedly tried explaining to your friends why you think your views are correct, and they're still not biting...You should stop. Now. They're not listening. They won't. And you're just aggravating them.

The only reason you should really have to continuously talk about your religious views is if your friends or aquaintences or whatnot, are pressuring YOU to 'convert'. Now...listen carefully to what they have to say. And you only have to do it once. If you don't agree with them, tell them so and why. Gently. Don't go all, "No. That's stupid. Your views are ridiculous" because that translates into "No...I'm a closeminded moron." And you will be viewed as such. But you only have to listen once. If they keep at it, obviously they have some sort of issues.

Let people believe what they want to believe. Don't preach to people. Don't be closeminded. Don't get overly offended when someone makes a joke. They usually don't make them to intentionally hurt you. Yes, I know the jokes get old. Get over it. That's life and it's not always fair. So grab a sense of humour and learn to laugh and understand.

Something Feminism Doesn't Discuss

So feminists always talk about the pressures that a male dominated society places upon females to look and act a certain way. If anything, it places more pressures on how we are supposed to look. I mean...just look at the media. Magazines, t.v., movies...Perfect little hourglass figures. So, I understand what feminists are saying.

But our society isn't as male dominated as it used to be...And in fact, I believe what people never notice is that men may in fact be more pressured than females.

In almost all the shows (except for those clearly exploiting homosexuality), men are always portrayed as masculine and often times chauvanistic. This stereotype is found EVERYWHERE. And females somehow seem to be allowed to complain about pressures. Because also according to similar stereotype, we are allowed to complain. But men, if they complain, are automatically considered pansies.

Ever since a young age, little boys are told to 'suck it up' and 'be a man'. No one really ever considers the effects of this. In the end it teaches them not to whine about their placement in life, not to cry when something goes wrong. They are taught to be seemingly insensitive.

A woman can become a mechanic and nobody will say anything. But the minute a male becomes a hairdresser or cosmetologist or fashion designer, he is automatically considered metrosexual. If a man hits a woman, he goes to jail. If a woman hits a man...Everything possible is done to keep her OUT of jail. When you think about it, is society really fully male dominated? I think girls have got a pretty good grip on the world, really. At least in America that is.

I just thought it would be interesting to point out that women aren't as helpless as people believe we are. We place more pressure on our men than we notice and continue to pile it on. Granted, some men ARE chauvanistic he-men, but it's becoming a little less frequent. But what's say we cut them a little slack?